为什么有人明明很年轻,却总说自己“中危”?那些“90后老阿姨”到底在想什么?

 

 

 

身边老有人说“唉,老了老了”,说话者也不过20上下,要是这话让长辈们听到估计会哭笑不得。

 

不过今年3月份,联合国认定92年出生的人已经步入中年,可以被称作“中年人”了,照这么算,26岁就是中年,看这篇文章的你估计也离中年危机不远了,所以也难怪年轻小伙子小姑娘们都开始说自己老了。

 

仔细想想,你或许还真的有老了的迹象,例如说喜欢早睡,不到10点就爬上了床,而且还不用闹钟就会凌晨5点起床。

 

 

又或许,你的身体在向你发送老了的信号,像是蹲久了站起来很费力,膝盖会疼上半天,一到雨天就更是如此。

 

有人在reddit网站提问说:

 

”What is something you do that would be considered something an “old person” would do”

有什么事是别人觉得老年人才会有(做)的?

 

我们选了一些有代表性的回答,看看你有没有中枪。

 

 

Crack like a glow stick whenever I stand up. I’m 21.

站起来全身骨头就跟荧光棒似的噼里啪啦响,我才21岁啊

Forget what I was doing.

老是忘了我在干嘛

I’m always like, “teenagers today…”

我的口头禅:“现在的00后啊”

Getting my hair cut at a barbershop that has almost entirely older people

我剪头发的店里的顾客几乎全是老人家

Read the newspaper

看报

I take vitamins in the morning and floss

早上吃维生素,还剔牙

Take naps

白天一定要睡会儿

I peek out the windows and watch the neighbors suspiciously…

我会从窗户里偷偷摸摸地窥探邻居的一举一动

Having the time of my life shopping for cool kitchen gadgets/appliances

花时间在超市里选购好看的厨具/厨房用品

Pickling

做泡菜

Doing chores to self-help/life advice themed podcasts

边做家务边听励志生活主题的播客

I drive a manual, and I shame people that don’t.

我开手动挡的车,还鄙视那些开自动挡的

 

 

其实有一些与自己年龄不相符的表现并不一定只是意味着变老,还有可能是变得成熟。有些早熟的小孩儿就特别有趣。

 

➤ When my son was 4 1/2 and learning the concept of infinity he said, “So if numbers never end, there must be numbers less than zero.”

我儿子四岁半的时候我教他数学里无穷的概念,他说:“所以说如果数是无穷的,那肯定就有比0还小的数吧”。

 

➤ I was explaining taxes to a 13 year old, and different tax brackets. I mentioned that my ex girlfriend had made twice as much as I did annually, but had found a way to pay the same taxes as me despite being in different brackets. He said: “She made twice as much as you did? So why’d you leave her?”

我跟一个13岁的小孩儿解释个税,以及不同的征税等级。举例子的时候我提到了我的前女友,她年薪是我的两倍,但是找到了方法避税,即便征税等级跟我的不一样,但缴的税跟我一样少。这小孩儿说:“她年薪是你的两倍?那你干嘛离开她?”

 

➤ A few days after we were in a car accident, I said something to her about what she was doing and my 4 year old narrowed her eyes, looked right at me and said, “Well at least I didn’t flip the car over.”

之前我发生过一次车祸,过了几天,那天我正在教育我四岁的女儿,结果她眯着眼睛看着我,说道:“起码我没翻过车啊。”

 

早熟还是先老,你是哪一种?

 

 

Notes

glow stick: n 荧光棒

barbershop: n 理发店

vitamin: n 维生素

floss: v 用牙线剔牙

nap: n (日间的)小睡

peek: v 偷看

suspiciously: adv 疑心的

gadget: n 小器具;小装置

appliance: n (家用)电器,器具

pickle: v 腌渍泡菜

chore: n 杂务

podcast: n 播客

bracket: n (价格、年龄、收入等的)组级,等级

flip: v 使快速翻转

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